a Self Awareness Maven

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  • Best compliment?

    What was the best compliment you’ve received?

    ‘YOU HAVE A GREAT SPIRIT’
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  • That’s just how I was raised..👎🏾

    When does this excuse become no longer acceptable?

    Answer: Never. I personally do not tolerate this as an excuse/defense/response -anything!. A C C O U N T A B I L I T Y . Please.

    Often people say this in regards to something that they have done or said that is probably u n f a v o r a b l e to the majority or minority, and usually turns out to be in their own defense. Just because that is how you were taught, does that make it ‘universal’? Does that mean anything that challenges that belief is ‘wrong’? Personally, it’s equivalent to ‘that’s just how I am’ coming from a person who lacks any accountability. It’s not just because ‘that’s just how you were raised’, It’s that you subconsciously choose to reject anything that doesn’t align with what feels familiar to you – regardless if someone else gets the same results but had it worded/performed different.

    This still has to be one of the best conversations in my opinion ,from one of my old F A V O R I T E podcasts Guys Next Door.

    It raises so many questions especially coming from people that constantly seem to experience unfavorable situations and conversations.🙄 most times; considering that many of your parents did the best that they could with what they knew and how they were raised. The way you were raised does not determine your experiences; It however limiting to your experiences.

    As we age and encounter different experiences, we realize the way we have been responding to things based on our upbringing is NOT UNIVERSAL and isn’t the only way. There are multiple ways to respond and get things done. Understanding that two things can be true at once is important to keep in mind. I truly believe that it’s all about perspective and the given situation at hand( with emotions to the side). If we can acknowledge that there are different perspectives, It helps and is also very important when it’s time for you to be held accountable.With accountability comes vulnerability. Are you prepared for that?

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  • Five types of Gaslighting 💡

    We’ve all been gaslit at some point, it’s inevitable. Here are 5 gems of what it can look like & hopefully this is helpful to help to some if not all🎀

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  • Growth Journey: Embracing My 25-Year-Old Self

    I would relive the year 2018 (age 25) 🪷 without hesitation. I became super solid in who I know myself to be now at 32 (except much better with age, Ofc). Definitely more from a moral aspect, but overall, a time was H A D chile💐. Learned how to play ‘the game’🙄🚯, the 9-5 game🙉, the boundaries🚯, the relationships🧬. Internally, there was this ‘awakening’. Like the lamp💡 was lit, & I was trying my hardest to put it out🧯. Very ‘ALI’ to this light. I had no idea WTF it was this whole time. I hope you’re picking up what I’m putting down here.. AMEN?, lol. & If you’re still not, this post may NOT be for you, babe🛑. In hindsight, this man is SUUUUPER GRACIOUS, MMKAY! .. This was also the last year I had a full head of hair on purpose. Go FIGURE🤯. At what age would you re-live? Why💐

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  • The Productivity of Lazy Days: Why Rest Matters

    Do lazy days make you feel rested or unproductive? ʚїɞ

    Personally, there is no such thing as an ‘unproductive’ lazy day. In fact, I feel they are the MOST productive for me. They allow me to rest, reset, and reconnect for what’s next. Even if it is just a day. We are just simply not meant to produce 24/7🤷🏿‍♀️. It’s your prerogative if that’s what you choose – DO YOU, but as for me, hunnie, the device is on do not disturb. I will get back to all once this is over, but as for now, this queen is ‘lazily’ taking care of herself.💖G U I L T F R E E!

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  • The Art of MYOB😌

    It seems minding your business is the hardest thing to do for most people these days. Not including me, of course. It’s hard for me to grasp that so many people feel the need to interfere in other people’s lives and what they have going on, even with the current events in the world. In 2026, gas is a minimum of $4.57 most places⛽, eggs are $6🐣, possible WW3, Floop is still in the white house, middle-class income taxes are 2.7 percent higher, still NOT offsetting the general inflation rate as of 2025, 2.7 percent & 2026, 3.3 percent, and a bunch of other way more important stuff.📃

    Social media has some of us thinking we deserve access to the people we follow, whether we know them personally or not. It’s very weird, invasive, and obnoxious. You even have weirdo’s who try to bully you for denying them access to you and your space; LOL, here, here is a first-class ticket to HELL where you and your thoughts belong.🎟️

    The art of minding your own business is actually very simple when you occupy your time with everything you have going on and less of the outside noise and pointless ‘gossip’, PERSPECTIVE💡. I’ve learned that when people don’t have access to you or certain parts of your life that they’re curious about, it doesn’t sit well with most. GO FIGURE, but who cares – I don’t, and you shouldn’t either. Highkey OBSESSED. It’s giving the 92′ movie ‘single white female’.

    I’ve experienced complete strangers having unauthorized access to details, allowing them to create this perception of who they say I am. What’s even more nuts- soooooo many people folded cuh’🤦🏾‍♀️. It really is true that most folks without direct access to you will believe something negative or against your true character before something kind or interesting.🤷🏾‍♀️

    See why you should mind your business? Try building genuine bonds and friendships with people, and access would be easier, maybe. Before being nosy, wrong & strong. LOL, you’re hustling backwards, babe😉.

    You just missed out on a chill bi*** bro, hold this though.🍆

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  • HEY! Use your voice.

    We say and hear over and over “closed mouths don’t get fed”: Honey, truer words have not been spoken since!

    Like many people I know – or more specifically ‘Caribbean people’ I know, I come from a “ be seen & not heard” upbringing that most have applied subconsciously to areas and circumstances that were ineffective as F**KKKKKK. I’ve realized it has worked against me in my younger years. In hindsight, it was sooooo obvious🙄, I guess I just had a different perspective at the time.

    🤷🏾‍♀️There are soooooo many things that I have experienced over the years & some that are new to me these days. I’ve truly learned over the years to trust my instincts based on how my body responds AT THAT TIME.

    If it makes me uncomfortable, I’ll do what I need to do in response.

    How do you expect peers to know that you’re in need if you are? How do you expect people to know that you ‘respectfully disagree’ if you do? The people around you, both professional and personal, aren’t mind readers. It’s a little unfair to assume that people in your life will always speak or understand you. You’re going to have to speak the f**k up yourself – no matter how justified we think our thoughts and feelings are.

    Everyone has enough on their plate, but yes, also choose your battles since everything and everyone doesn’t need a response. You’ll realize it’s THEM, not you, most of the time.

    Thanks for coming to my Terry Talk🧚🏾‍♀️!

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  • Let’s get real & abandon self sabotaging habits.

    As we grow and have experiences, we learn behaviors that feel like they are just beneficial to us given our environments and current life experiences. PLOT TWIST: though these behaviors may have been helpful and lead us to truly believe that these habits will help us move through and ‘handle’ life in generally. ABSOLUTELY NOT !. Some if not ALL of those behaviors require a lot of observation , awareness and re-evaluation. Does this really work for me? How does this make me feel? I follow a page on I.G that had a thread that resonated with me at some point in my personal journey and career.

    Dating prior, I would just KNOW a person was emotionally unavailable to date me but would still want to try anyway in the name of I physical attraction and 'potential'. I knew better but chose not to do better. There was trauma based comfort and familiarity present. This can happen with friendships too.
    I remember beating myself up and blaming myself for the inability of others to change or adapt to change. Often making myself SUFFER thinking it was me, knowing that I did what I could have and the rest was out of my control. My anxiety heightened, and the need to be ‘self-sufficient’ was prevalent. There was NO WAY that I would need anyone. This wasn’t growth; it was fear and my inability to simply speak up.
    Imposter syndrome is real. I've experienced it and still do- but given the proper tools I am able to effectively navigate through. THANK YOU GLENDA ! (My Therapist). I always knew I was 'that girl' growing up, I just wanted everyone else to acknowledge it - and they wouldn't. FRUSTRATING AF. It was out of my control but would still internalize the feeling. It made it so hard for me to truly accept compliments. Like I said, I knew I was THAT girl but I would fight it. Why was it so hard for everyone else to receive that? Self-Awareness and acceptance definitely has been changing that narrative for me! 10/10.
    This was the hardest(still is sometimes) since boundaries can be hard to set as they can come of ‘selfishly’ however, how it comes off ISN’T ANY OF YOUR CONCERN. Not having set any IS YOUR CONCERN. Lack of boundaries can cause immense amounts of stress, wasted time – its as if you’re allowing others to tell you what you think and how you feel. #IONTLIKEDAT.
    This one I think is pretty self explanatory. LET IT TF GO. It will be hard. You may feel like you can just ‘put it to the side’. You might cry. You might get 1billion flashback of ‘all the good times’. If you have any RELATIONshitSHIP* that feels like you cannot take up space or be yourself. It is definitely time to transition. It must be uncomfortable there.
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  • So you’re your harshest critic?

    In past years, I’ve realized how critical I tend to be towards myself in every aspect. It didn’t matter if it was my initial effort – I would instinctively anticipate it to be my finest work because I had already envisioned it perfectly in my mind; therefore, it should be flawless once I put it into action. There was no allowance for errors. The issue was that it wasn’t perfect, and I struggled to accept that. I found it challenging to manage my emotions when things didn’t go as planned or didn’t align with my mental image.

    I wouldn’t say it was my first experience, nor would I claim that I lacked all the necessary tools, among various other factors. I tend to view my ‘shortcomings’ as personal flaws and internalize them, rather than recognizing that I was attempting something for the first time and that I did my best with the knowledge I had at that moment.💡🌈

    7 Graceful reminders

    • Give yourself permission to do the things that you feel you’re being called to do.
    • Remind yourself that the only validation you really need, is that you’re being called to do something that you love & believe in.
    • Release the thoughts & feelings that no longer server you. It’s OK to choose what you want to carry & what has gotten heavy. LET IT GO.
    • Acknowledge & adjust to the things that work for you & serve your needs. Your time & interests are not optional.
    • Create the things that are fulfilling & will continue our 365 new experiences. Without personal growth, we can feel stagnated.
    • Pour into yourself so you’re not serving from an empty platter.
    • Embrace your purpose whether it feels seasonal or timeless. It will best serve you & those in need of what you have to offer.

    Grace: (Noun); disposition to or an act or instance of kindness, courtesy, or clemency

    “grace,” Merriam-Webster.com Dictionary, https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/grace. Accessed 1/23/2022.
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  • Are we still Gatekeeping Mental Health Issues?

    What do I really mean by this? It’s suggesting that there’s only one way Mental Illnesses can show up, which can intentionally or unintentionally downplay and often dismiss the experiences of others, making them feel isolated. A lot of folks might hesitate to reach out to a mental health professional because they think their own experiences aren’t serious enough or that it’s just all “in their head”.

    You are not just in your head; your experiences matter.

    Keep in mind that people don’t have to go through the same struggles you did for their experiences to count. Suffering looks different for everyone and it’s not a contest to see who has suffered the most. You shouldn’t feel like you have to prove that you’ve been dealing with mental health issues.

    Gatekeeping may sound something like this:
    • You don’t have flashbacks? Oh, you can’t have PTSD.
    • You can’t be depressed if you managed to leave the house.
    • Only those who are really depressed don’t go out.
    • If you were truly struggling, you’d be in a facility.
    • Are you on medication? Then your illness can’t be that real.
    • If you don’t have anxiety attacks, then you’re not really anxious.
    • If you can get up and go to work, your depression isn’t real.

    In short, if your struggle doesn’t match ‘mine’ or the images we see in the media today, it’s probably not even valid. Hearing any of this from friends, family, & even strangers can be triggering and invalidating, making those who have these experiences less likely to seek the help they might really need.

    Functioning depression is a real thing. Trust me on this. From the CEO to the janitor, mental illnesses will look different on everyone. Always.

    Okay Maven, so what is gatekeeping??

    Our good sis Merriam-Webster says { Yes, this is urban millennial talk} Gatekeeping; 1:One who tends/guards the gate. 2:A person who controls access. In this aspect it’s when you’re trying to control who gets access to particular resources, power , opportunities and who does not. Gate keeping mental illnesses is setting a standard of what an experience should look like or feel like – often invalidating another person’s experience that may not look or feel as ‘society currently says it should.

    Take-Away

    Be mindful of how you show up or respond to someone that may express to you that they feel they may be in need of any kind of help with their mental health. IT TAKES COURAGE TO ADMIT that they may not be mentally well. It is ok to be just an ear. -Theefairygodmother 🧚🏾‍♀️

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