a Self Awareness Maven

Let’s get real & abandon self sabotaging habits.

By

theefairygodmother

As we grow and have experiences, we learn behaviors that feel like they are just beneficial to us given our environments and current life experiences. PLOT TWIST: though these behaviors may have been helpful and lead us to truly believe that these habits will help us move through and ‘handle’ life in generally. ABSOLUTELY NOT !. Some if not ALL of those behaviors require a lot of observation , awareness and re-evaluation. Does this really work for me? How does this make me feel? I follow a page on I.G that had a thread that significantly resonated with me at some point in my personal journey and career.

Dating prior, I would just KNOW a person was emotionally unavailable to date me but would still want to try anyway in the name of I physical attraction and 'potential'. I knew better but chose not to do better. There was trauma based comfort and familiarity present. This can happen with friendships too.
I remember beating myself up and blaming myself for the inability of others to change or adapt to change. Often making myself SUFFER thinking it was me – knowing that I did what I could’ve and the rest was out of my control. My anxiety heighten and the need to be ‘self sufficient’ was prevalent. There was NO WAY that I would need anyone. This wasn’t growth, it was fear and my inability to simply speak up.
Imposter syndrome is real. I've experienced it and still do- but given the proper tools I am able to effectively navigate through. THANK YOU GLENDA ! (My Therapist). I always knew I was 'that girl' growing up, I just wanted everyone else to acknowledge it - and they wouldn't. FRUSTRATING AF. It was out of my control but would still internalize the feeling. It made it so hard for me to truly accept compliments. Like I said, I knew I was THAT girl but I would fight it. Why was it so hard for everyone else to receive that? Self-Awareness and acceptance definitely has been changing that narrative for me! 10/10.
This was the hardest(still is sometimes) since boundaries can be hard to set as they can come of ‘selfishly’ however, how it comes off ISN’T ANY OF YOUR CONCERN. Not having set any IS YOUR CONCERN. Lack of boundaries can cause immense amounts of stress, wasted time – its as if you’re allowing others to tell you what you think and how you feel. #IONTLIKEDAT.
This one I think is pretty self explanatory. LET IT TF GO. It will be hard. You may feel like you can just ‘put it to the side’. You might cry. You might get 1billion flashback of ‘all the good times’. If you have any RELATIONshitSHIP* that feels like you cannot take up space or be yourself. It is definitely time to transition. It must be uncomfortable there.
Posted In ,

Leave a comment